I am beginning to hate this shit.

This void, just keeps fucking growing on me. I don't know what to do anymore. I used to be able to talk to you so easily, so fun and loving. Now, I can't even come close to that anymore, not even close. You just seem like you don't care anymore, like absolutely don't care. You say you do and everything like that but I just don't feel it anymore. It just doesn't feel the same anymore. You're not showing me enough that you want me in your life, that it'd be nice to have me in your life. You always expect me to come running back to you and you expect me to think that's how you're showing me that you still want me in your life? Maybe i'm asking too much from you, but like before, we're back into this place. I try so fucking hard but it's just getting harder and harder for me to keep on trying. You just seem different now. I feel so unwanted, I feel like I am not needed. Darren's practically back in your life again and basically i'm just left there again. You have Jacob, so you don't need me to be there anymore. What the fuck is wrong with this? You used to be the girl that I would always love talking to everyday. You would always be the girl I would love to share random, retarded ass laughs with. All of that shit. I miss it all. I miss it all.. I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I feel like, whenever a guy steps into a girl's life in which I have been in, I just get pushed away because I am no longer needed. I feel like i'm just the paper weight for them. To always be there for them and to try and keep them happy until the next guy takes it another step higher into which I can't ever do with a girl. I just end up being there, watching. I miss you, but what I miss the most is having that girl. I don't have that girl anymore. I just want a girl I can talk to 24/7. I just want that girl I can always share those special hugs with. That girl who I can always hit up to chill out for a few hours doing absolutely nothing, just sitting there and talking. I really miss visiting you, but you don't need me to do that. I fucking miss it. I am so fucking tired of just talking to guys and such. I'm not saying I hate being around them because I consider most of them my brothers, but it would be nice to have a girl around. I don't know what to do anymore. You practically have given up on me. It seems like you're putting in more of an effort on other things, and you're just keeping me there. It's sad, you don't even know what's going on in my life anymore. I thought best friends were supposed to know that stuff. I hardly see you as a best friend anymore, not like this. I try to look at other girls to see if I can get the same with them but they're either taken or don't give a fuck about me. I am so tired of this. I feel so fucking immature typing out shit like this, but it's just getting me hard.

Fuck.