procrastination

wow even im procrastinating on my blogging. it's either that or im just way too tired lately to even think about what i am typing. xD hmm. w.e. this week was fun. :]

ill type about thursday-friday tomorow.

tired.

okay so my 15 minute before homework break is done.

im gonna do math, paragraph, and a little bit of DJs.

then KAY OHH!

really tired.

2 days in a row i did 4 hours of sleep.

and chasing michelle around today wore me out.

got home late today yo.

hhhmmmm. i should finish homework now so i can start blogging around 1:30 or so.

ooooooooooops.

there goes my phhone with a text....


wonder who it is.

playboy

hhhhmmmmm. nothing much today. it was so boring.
><

i know have this tight ass freaking playboy bunny clock on my wall now!!
and it has a pink neon light outer layer. :D

so fucking awesome.

hhmm.

didn't really talk to anyone today.

geometry test was epic fail.

hhmmmm

that's it.

idk wtf to right.

LOL.

seriously.

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i quit wangan for lent. but ive quited that shit a month ago already.

geometry

i think im gonna be a good boy and do my work this time. i believe if i do it right and concentrate ill be done by 12:30 or so.

ill make this post a little long and just type it out and press all in one when i finish everything.

11:20;
getting my shit out. :]

11:21;
-___-'

11:22;
dad just checked up on me. i think i can get disconnected anytime now. shet.

11:36;
hhmmmm. XD idk. my mind needs to focus. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. mhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmm.

:]

11:37;
tenny has the second best car in ST<>AR. fucking shit. XD

11:46;
epic procrastination. my new target time is about 1 am. not bad.

12:07;
finally got started.

12:38;
i can't concentrate. ><
i think im screwed over for the test tomorow.
i'm going to the geometry class at lunch and study my ass off or make some sort of cheat sheet or some shit. fack. i seriously can't concentrate. i should actually set my alarm early tomorow.......

okay goodnight.

ps.
mozilla firefox ftw.

uhhh

harroharroron (10:24:47 PM): why am i talking to my self?
s1d3waysron (10:25:09 PM): conscience, "because you are bored."
harroharroron (10:25:15 PM): thanks
s1d3waysron (10:25:22 PM): your face betch !
s1d3waysron signed off at 10:25:31 PM.
s1d3waysron is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

-__-'

WTF?

so yea i thought about blogging during school today.

BUT.

my phone was just acting retarded. lmao.

today was fun. nothing much of highlight.


exept i have the short hair again. :D

i think i look sexy. xD


so yea.

hhmmmm.

pretty boring day.

but i stayed on task like a madman during photo today. TWO PROJECTS DONE WOOT WOOT.

so yea.

i gotta study for geometry so yea.

ill cut it short for tonight.

man life is good right now :)

so today i awoke. and guess what???? it was wet!! yes! the weather channel was right! it did rain in the morning!!!

so i got to school and got to PE!! that was pretty cool. there were so many basketballs around i didnt need to keep waiting for a rebound!! everyone was in a happy mood today and i made all my shots!! i see other people in the class are pretty good so ill look into that as the semester passes on. overall i was on fiya today. :)

then came lunch. i never had such a neutral/positive lunch in a reeeeeeaaaalllly long time!

english was okay. i read as romeo like usual, but today juliet made an apearance in the book. this time princess read her. :)

hehhe.

i think the book is a little interesting. and if not it has really great keeper quotes.

geometry was same old same old.



i then got picked up and dropped off at brookhurst. i met up with rendell, michelle, and alexis!!

we all hung around starbucks till like four! that was pretty fun. keilah and michelle met us there too.

we then all walked back to brookhurst and stood around the basketball courts for a little bit. then walked in the back towards the grass.

that was a chill moment.

when i was standing there alexis randomly put her arm around me for like a minute saying "awww i missed you." i thought that was sweet ';)

then we walked towards the park.

i got to push alexis on the swing.

then we attempted at pull-ups. that was just fail.

then we thraashed jeb around the swing bahaha.

later we played tag then got bored.

alexis had to leave so hug goodbyes.

we all got bored.

then michelle bothered me again about the random girl who thinks im cute.

she's supposedly a freshman at my school. bkah whatev.

then we all went home.

i got some animal fries first though :)

then the usual shit. and now im in bed 12:15 craving a tuna sandwhich while talking to tia.

ive been having fun lately possting my blogs via g1.

im loving this phone so much lately.




ohhhh yea i have a new style to me. idk.

last week alisa drew something on my right hand by a sharpie. so it didnt fade completely. i think it grew on me so i traced it and yea.... xD looks cool in my opinion.

ima be rocking bandaids with random writings too because i think it's cool. bahahaha.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd im getting a haircut tomorow ands soon to get some PURPLE JEANS. yum.

okay and tia if you read this. hai<3







PS;
I FIXED THINGS WITH VIVIAN!!!!!! NOW THINGS ARE LIKE BEFORE! <3 life is good. :)

AHHH. :)

There have been a few consecutive positive blogs lately.

THAT'S GOOD! :)

Life is great.

Nothing can go wrong from my point of view.





______________________________________________________


Okay lots of highlight today so i'll blog on that later tonight. I will finish my homework first. :)

Dialectical Journals - DJs of DOOOOM

okay so it's 1:53 am.
im gonna start on my journal i have to do 10 quotes in atleadt an hour. so here i go.

ill make tiny entries with time stamps.

BEWARE THIS WILL BE EXTREMELY RANDOM.

1:54;
doing a survey with tia.

1:59;
okay im gonna start and try to finish BY 2.

2;07;
bulletin fail. no dj entry yet. fuck.

2:34;
i got spazzed up. and put my shit away. no i lost my fucking pencil. god only one DJ down. ima just put my shit down and call it a night. ill try for 5 entries.

2:42;
found my pencil. DJ number 2 is being written down.

3:52;
i think i got into my reading for a bit. well i got up to 7. but it's almost fucking 4! fuck.


wise choices are my key to life. this week. need to prioritize homework. jeeeesh. well i need some sleep so goodnight everyone!





hhhhmmmm. me and tia talked a lot today. :) so yea. :) haha.

man im craving some basketball. ima play some tomorow or something xD

alright im call it a morning.

HADOKEN!!

aye so much sf4 today. like everytime i would press enter on my laptop or click i press it HARD. XD

ahhh today was fun.

chipotle was surprisingly good to me!

shit i wanna go back and get some more of that shit!

man, so much sf4.

LOL.

that's all i can say.

i guess wangan drive is sorta coming back, but i don't expect anything out of it.

aye, well i got the fs3 and i'm home.

so i will cut this blog short and play a couple hours of street fighter.

:]



ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

and if tia reads this.

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy <333

good weekday

I am tired to type a lot at the moment.

BUT.


This was a GREAT weekday.

;]

SFIV

This shit is that SHIT.

Hits the spot for fun. :]

I'm gonna go get the FS3 stick with Jed this Saturday so I can have an easier time with this.

Surprisingly I got the moves down kinda. ;]

HAHA.

here all alone. AGAIN.

Fucking damnit!

Are you serious?

This is just torture now.

No one wants to talk to me anymore?

Seriously wow. :[

I don't get it.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN.

Here All Alone - AJ Rafael

cold phone.

my phone has been cold lately. it's not usually warm like it is as always.

maybe cause no one texts me anymore... idk.

so im here in the car getting in-n-out with my mom doing this blog.

kbai. :p

it would be nice getting a text from a GIRL today. <3

idk

The past month as I have been stating OVER AND OVER AGAIN in my last 40+ blogs or so... I have been not myself.

The past month, I have been "antisocial" like to a majority of my friends.

The past month, I have lost myself several times.

The past month, I have lost a few friendships and trust.

I don't know, the past month I have been asking myself who I was and what was my purpose of being. Why do I still hope, when it's just a hopeless situation all in all.

Well I guess I pulled through this hard month. It wasn't a great start of my New Year and surely it'll be a memorable one.




Today I was still not myself. The entire day at school I was quiet, straight, unenthusiastic. Only a few times I would show a smile or a laugh. My eyes felt heavy. But I wasn't tired. After school I did my usual thing.

No one expected me today. Exept for a few people.

I have to say it was kind of refreshing and nice seeing everyone again. I really did miss them.

I was actually happy again, having people to talk to and not be in a corner waiting for some attention that i'll never recieve.

It was quiet today yes. But yet it was pieceful.

No drama, just catching up.

Not a lot though.

I walked in the gym after Keilah and Michelle left.

When I got there I saw Jonalyn and Josephine.

I was waving at them from way accross the gym, at first they barely recognized me. But then they eventually woke up and did notice I was there.

They both ran up to me and gave me tight, warm, welcoming hugs. It was nice to be missed. It reminded me that people actually enjoy being with me.

I was with them for almost the remainder of the time I was there. Same with Leoroye and Jeb.

The rest of the day was kind of the same, just with different people.



Daylight was quiet, and random.

But entirely peacful for some reason.



Jeb and I chilled at my house for the rest of the day. We just played 2k9 and watched part of the Laker game.




Now I am here, on the futon with the laptop on the ground. Typing this blog and thinking back through the month. My hardships.

I don't think i'll be the same again.

But forsure I can be happy again.








I just need to try harder....

Valentines Day... Two days ago...

So I watched The Uninvited with Keilah and Jacob... The movie was good in my opinion... The actor is FUCKING HOT. Her lips are so kissable. :O

Then yea, from there it was random. So yea.

Went to Berrysweet took some pics. Then had to ninja....


Jacob and I then walked off to Jeb's so then Jacob walked to Seans...

I stayed with Leoroye and Jeb and caught up on stuff while watching the NBA Allstars.

Later on that day Michelle came to Jeb's house then we chilled out for a bit. She was freezing!! LOL.

We then walked out to the mall. I was freaking Jeb out because his neighborhood was fucking dark at the time and I was scaring him with Friday the 13th shit. lulz.

So we got to the mall...

Then yea.......................

Leoroye left....

Then Michelle, me, Nick, and Jeb went to Walmart like idiots.

Before she left we made fun of her language. LOL. Jeb kept saying "To Me May Un KUK" LOLOLOL. SO funny. :p

So she left.

Then the three sausages went to Howies...

We ended up playing two hours of Left 4 Dead. We came out and noticed it was like fucking 12. ROFL. So we were freezing. Then Jeb's dad picked us up. Then ate nachos. Then went home...


Yesterday...

Woke up at 2. Watched Disturbia. Jeb calls at three. "Hey let's go to Howies again and play Left 4 Dead!" "ok..."

So I get to the mall by 4 because I finished Disturbia and ate. Jeb is walking off saying he's going to Leoroye's YMCA game. So I had to call my mom and yea......

WOW, YMCA games are unexciting. It's so quiet and shet. But hey you get to play in the nice gym and stuff. I should try getting in there one day just to shoot around and shet.

So we go back to Howies...

PLayed 2 hours of Left 4 Dead.

HAHAHAHA. FUCKING SO MUCH GG. ;D

Then got out by eight.

So we went to my house and ate some McDo. :p

Finished the All-Star game. Wasn't that exciting in my opinion. LOL.

Then yea. They went home after the game.

So I then went into my room and started some of my randomass nonsense thinking shit again.

Layed down on the futon playing with the phone and I found this awesomeasss app.

It's a texting app but it's like the iphone.

I can type on my screen and stuff so I don't gotta flip the screen during class. :p

How awesome right?

okay wtf man.

I woke up this morning...

With swollen eyes.

I swear to god I didn't cry.

I don't remember any terrifying dreams last night too.

WOW.

<_<

T_T

I feel gay right now.

Gay as in, I just wanna cry myself to sleep gay. BUT I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.

DAMN VALENTINES DAY.

It ruins my month and my life. >_>

I think I died a little today.

*sigh

I guess I should just sleep,

things will get better in the morning...

This is bullshit.

I fall asleep.

Now I can't go back to sleep.

I can't think straight.

This shit has been going through my head the whole day.

I can't seem to talk about it to anyone.

:/

Today.

Thinking about today. I it just wrecks me inside. I can't help but lose myself. :/

I can't act straight.

*SIGH

I don't know. :/

T_T

+

I AM TIRED OF GUYS IMING ME.

I just feel gay.

It's fucking annoying now.

I can't stand this shit anymore.

Just fucking leave me alone. SHIT.

Leave all the affectionate shit for the girls to do.

FUCKING BACK THE FUCK OFF. Gayass.

The past three weeks or so...

I have been feeling off.

I am not myself.

I can't force myself to be happy.

I miss everyone. I doubt they miss me back. I guess it's my fault?

No one wants me in their life anymore, whether it'd be in a relationship or friendship.

I feel alone.

Tomorow is Valentines Day, i'll most likely celebrate it in my room under artifitial night.

I just wanna cry right now. I can't find anything positive.

I can't stand being alone like this.

I just want things to go back where they used to be.

:/

Gran Torino

Today I felt so... Dead. Concentrated. Sleepy. Unenthusiastic.

I don't know.

Maybe the fact there's no one to hang around during PE anymore. Man I miss my homo bestfriend. <_< Fucking bitch just had to go to tennis. pft.

Today we were in the gym and played basketball. *sighs It was so lonely playing "by myself". I couldn't find laughter more like concentration and focus in the game. My team wouldn't play their defense, and I had to pull everything up my ass. Atleast I wasn't off a mjority of the time.

Moving on, lunch was just wow.

English, it was pretty relieving how I could sleep in there. We just read Romeo and Juliet... It seems like it's gonna get interesting, but that's just in my opinion... I slept the rest of the class.

Geometry...

*sigh I have to teach myself this lesson. It's so. -_-

The whole period I was dead. For some reason I felt pissed off. Then towards the end of class I just wouldn't talk to anyone. Then the unenthusiasm kicked in for the rest of the day.

I got home, waited for mom to come home with the In-N-Out ate then fell asleep during the beginning of The Bourne Ultimatum.

Three hours later I wake up, just about a half hour away from the Laker game.

That was by far the most boring Laker game I have ever watched. Crowd was quiet. And there was nothing to be enthusiastic about.

After the game my dad put in Gran Torino.

I have to say that was a good movie. REALLY GOOD. Ending made me shed a tear. Yes...

So after I took a shower. During that shower I was thinking... Negatively. I don't know why I would but I did.

*sigh

I don't know why I feel so negative and unenthusiastic....

Is it because Valentines Day is coming up? I mean it's only one day right?...

I give up.

My crumbling three-day weekend.

It starts with a rainy Friday...

The entire day was just blah, I really had nothing to look forward to. So I get home, and watch ET for some wierd reason... Hmmm. Then I leave around 5. When I get to Savanna for the last home game of the season, I barely make it to the last four minutes of 4th quarter for frosh. So I didn't really see anything intense exept Edrick's three-point-play. Looking at him when he plays makes me laugh, because he somewhat has Kendrick Perkins' facial expression; ANGRY. LMAO. So when it was break to moving on to J.V. I moved to the home team bench to sit behind. xD It's pretty cool sitting there to me. FUCKING HEARING THE COACH ALL PISSED. So intimidating. x_x So yea nothing interesting there, exept for when J.V. kept turning the ball over and having this jewish ass ref making retarded ass calls. So Varsity started. CLOSE GAME. VERY CLOSE. One thing that was amusing was they were practically all the same height. LMAO. I couldn't tell which was the center. Also Century made the "C" on their sweats look like the Cleveland Cavaliers "C". BAHA. So yea the whole game it was like a shootout. The awesome part was seeing JJ banking the three in. xD The whole crowd went crazy. And his mom was infront of me. xD Fourth quarter was so intense. HAHA. Kevin and I kept getting the crowd rowdy. So that was cool. the final 30 or so seconds was like the Celtics game. We took the lead. Then made a five point lead with 15 seconds left. Next thing you know it goes all NBA, it was a close game. Century calls a timeout and takes it out from the back. The guy then lobs it to the next player and he fucking makes a clean ass three pointer. Two point lead now. We get fouled and ofcourse it's over the limit. We end up with a 4 point lead. So the final 5 seconds. HE ALMOST MADE IT A ONE POINT GAME, then the buzzer. AHHH close game.

So yea, somewhere there I get phone calls from Julie and Remie. So later that night they tell me I have to go to Relay U and it was mandatory. *sigh So Remie said I gotta wake up early...



So it was Saturday, and it was WET. Raining like mad.

So on the freeway I thought Remie and I was gonna get bumped or some shit. Because we were next to a truck and there were like 5432 cars blasting from the left. Lucky we didn't we were scared shitless though. HAHA. So we had to pick up like two girls and go straight to Relay U.



Relay U....

I swear that, that shit was like a sixth day of school. 10-4 it was like four different seminars and shit, and they just kept talking and talking. <_< fucking lame. And it was Remie and I sitting next to each other the whole day how fun right? *no* JK. I was just playing with the itouch the whole day and texting and aiming on the G1. By the end of the day it was near dying. Which was at four.

So we get in the car and decide to meet at Super to see what the fuck we were gonna do the rest of the day. But before we had to drop this one chick at this ghetto ass house. *sigh



Super...

So we get to Super and Remie and I park infront of it, before that we see Max and his gang of HS people staring me down like some black guy walked inside KKK teritory or something. GG. I ignore it and we walk inside to see what's up. I saw Kelvin once again, damnit I envy that guy improved so much. SO then we walk to Jack's car. It was FREEEEZING. So I sit in the driver's seat next to Julie and have a chat. So we went inside and played wang for a bit. Then we went on our way to Shabu-Shabu.




We get to Shabu-Shabu...

The randomest stuff happened there. Starting for when Jed was pushing Jon around a shopping cart. LMAO.

SO... We get in and we get in our seats... So I sit next to Jack and Remie is next to Ali. Ali then tells Remie that he wants me to sit next to him to get to know me more. I thought that was pretty cool. So we trade seats and whatnot. Oh btw, I never got my fried rice. :[ I was starving that day never ate anything. :[ Anyway me and Ali got to know each other a bit. So then we decide to go bowling... That failed due to full lanes. So Jed and I played some NFSU before we left. xDDD I got into it. LMAO.

So we get back and Jack and Julie are knocked out. xD So we go back to Super. It was pretty cool because the roads were DEAD. Like empty dead. ><

We get back and Jed and I were gonna grab some BK. Ali calls me saying that don't go so Jed listens to me. (ends up being a bad idea anyway) We get to lollicup and Ali gives me a bag of Popcorn Chicken. So yea more chit chat and stuff.

We then get to Super......



I use the DS s15 against Ali and DAMAH. *le sigh

Epic races??? No. Just intense. Very intense. My throat literally closed on my and I was shaking the whole race. Maybe the intimidation? I don't know. All I know was that one of the races I pushed past two cars in between in the middle of a divider on C1 IB. Epicness... Then the second race as Ali, said... I raced completely different. So later on we said our goodbyes and whatnot and head over to E-GAMES. Oh and by the way the whole time we were playing Wang Remie kept calling. <_< gg.

So we get to E-Games, but me and Jed stop by AI to check up on stuff. So I see Ben and Bernard. I thought it was random. So Jed lectures me again on techs for SF4 and stuff.

We then get to E-Games to play L4D. One word. GG! xD

Okay so we stood outside and chilled. We saw some guy witha severely drunk GF. I kinda felt sorry. By the time she got to the car she threw up... *gag*

So yea. I fall asleep by the time I get home.





Sunday...


Very uneventful.


Today same thing but I am back into deppression again. :/




My overall summary, I AM NEVER GONNA TALK TO VIVIAN AGAIN. No matter what the cause is. Then I know that whatever is here Amy is here for me. If she ever reads this... Aishiteru. :p Thanks for being there for me that night. And now I have some starbucks, Top Gear, and Apirl to talk to.

*le sigh

why ?

why is it that i am starting to have some sympathy crash on me like a wave....

i have been thinking about what i have been doing lately and i shall say the truth, it HURTS me inside.

but i dont know how i still manage to do this, i feel like a zombie most of the time now. but whatever. my life has started to get a little bit more managable now that i have forgotten and gotten used to my new lifestyle.

i just noticed that i never fall asleep in class now baha.

this week has been very hard, and tomorow is friday.

things have been starting to look up for me yesterday. so hopefully it continues tomorow and onward.

blah, back on topic.... should i apologize to you??? i do not know. i know it's bad to hold grudges... but i dont know what to do. i feel that if i forgive you, things might go back to the old ways and ill be miserable with you frolicking around.

ayyyy, i need to think more. gnite.

tomorow i might blog during school.... it depends.

Karma?

Hmmm, not happening to me today.

I don't know. BUT, I assume it's happening to a certain someone else...

Should I celebrate with a bottle of coffee. Or be optimistic about it...

Hmmm.

Whatever, not my turn to deal with shit today. :]

DAY-O!!

Hmmm, once again I had one of my average okay days.

Should I be content? I think I should.

Nothing much was a highlight of my day. <_< Exept me and Albara matching like homos. LOL. w00t.

Geometry was so much gg. <_< I finished with a C- for the semester. ATLEAST, I didn't do bad enough for summer school... I got 17/35 for the final too. GG. *sigh If my 5 As and my possibly only B doesn't make up. I am DEAD. :[ And the fucking grading shit goes online in a matter of a week too. FUCK!

<_<

Oh so yea, it started raining hard. YEY!

Too fucking late though, I wsa hoping in the morning so I could've shot some hoops inside the gym. <_< Fucking pricks.

Then after school Timmy, Duke, and I was standing in the rain looking for shade under a leaf-less tree. LOL. GG. Then they went home and I stood by myself under that tree. How emo.

So I go home watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith then the Lakers game.

YEA I DIDN'T NAP TODAY. w00t.

I guess I was so hyped up to watch some basketball after a while.

SHIT THAT GAME WAS CRAZY. -_- Rondo needs to fucking get the fuck out and chill. Pushing Kobe like that, please. Bitch needs to know who the hell he's pushing around. Garnett needs to chill. AND HAHA TO THE 110-109 OT loss to the Celtics!! Absolute GG. FUCKING PRICKS.

So yea I don't think I yelled loud enough at the TV to lose my voice for tomorow.

So yea, and I think girls suck. (no homo) and no pun intended.

Blah that was my day. And I just found out my computer has a low level trojan.
SO MUCH GG. D:

g1

so yea...
this is my first post on blogspot "typed" somewhere else other than my laptop.

my g1.

this phone is so fucking worth every penny i had. because it's like an iphone. but better!!!

the only thing that's poop is the battery. i think if i use it like my sidekick it'll die after 3 hours. so that's why i bought this backup/handheld charger thing so just incase it's almost dying. it said it's guaranteed for double the phone bat. life! isn't that neat???

i also got curious and downloaded another aim server thing for my phone cause the aim it has when i first opened it lags like a mofo. im not even connected a majority of the time! how sad.

gg.

so i downloaded this thing called Hello! AIM.

shit is awesome!!!

it doesn't register me as mobile and it still shows my awesome weemee even though im on my phone.

it so reminds me of my sidekick because of how the aim is. how fucking awesome right?

Like I said before...

TUESDAYS ARE RANDOM.

Last week it was fun, and random.

Today it was.

Empty.
Dead.
Quiet.

It was like someone turned the volume down around my world today.

Today was like the first day in forever I didn't really talk online.

And I must tell you, it is wierd.

I'm procrastinating again. :/

I need to get back on task, STARTING TOMOROW.

And I need to time my naps more.

GG.

ANOTHER DAY...

I just want to see/meet you so bad.
D:

You have no idea. Can't believe it's been since November we've been talking, and yet I HAVE NOT SEEN YOU FACE TO FACE.

gg.

I just want one day with you. ;D

It should be fun. baha.

*cues I Just Want You - AJ Rafael*



lawlz.

HI TIA!<3

ONE DAY.

I ask for one day.

One day in the weekday.

In the weekday atleast one day I can be HAPPY.

HAPPY...

Is all I ask for.

From you,

anyone.

please....

PISS.

I'm craving Wangan.

WHAT THE FUCK TO DO.

FUCKING MYSPACE IS STRESSING ME OUT TOO.

FUCK YOU!

FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT.
I TRY EVERYTHING TO KEEP MY SHIT OF OFF IT, NOTHING FUCKING WORKS.
FUCK YOU THEN IF YOU ARE GONNA ACT THIS WAY TOWARD ME, YEA IM NOT DIRECTING THIS TO ANYONE. YOU SHOULD KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

FUCK YOU.

I'm done.

FUCK YOU.

STRESSED.

I guess things have changed in the few weeks. Once again more people look differently towards me. I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't think there's anyone else to blame but myself for this. Exept that certain people are just dying to be blamed for what I've become of, but that just won't make sense.

I guess I just have to live my life and learn to let go and adjust. After all, there are more to my life than what happens in the weekdays.


I learned that this Saturday. I don't know but everytime, I hang out with these guys. I just happen to forget everything. I forget the stress in my life, along with the stress that some people just love to present to me.

I learned that there will and always be alternatives in my life, other than doing the same fucking shit almost everyday.



I don't know, but for me having the weekend is like being in a vacation. Even life at home has improved dramatically.

I have been a bit more observant towards my life, and I've noticed so much change. Quite frankly I hate the cahnge. Because it's hard for me to adjust and accept.

I know forsure other people than the two that follow this blog read this, and probably laugh in the backround. Go ahead, you just don't understand the misery upon me.

I have been struggling to find my identity these days. Half the time I don't know myself. I don't even know most of my friends anymore. I know that a majority of them probably dislike me for whatever reason there is.

I need to be more positive.

I need to keep looking.

I need to be, Ron.

Because I know someone that I used to be close to very much, and she told me that I've changed and that it wasn't a good change. She doesn't recognize me anymore.

I've been asking myself since, "Who am I now? What have I become into?"

I need to be my old self again.

Because I am really getting fed up acting like this, and writing blogs like these.




"Why do I always feel like this when the weekday arrives?"