You still linger around my head.

But I don't like you anymore. I do feel though, that I feel more deserving to be with you right now. It's ridiculous. We both know that I am the much more.. I don't know.. I guess we both know I am the better guy in terms of how we manage at times like these? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I am much more involved in your life than he is and he's just there to fill your hand, hold you and kiss you. He's just there to hold the status that he's yours and your his. He's just there to make you feel special, to say all the cute things to you like every other boyfriend has to do but at times like these, when he's acting like a pussy about something ridiculously stupid it pisses me off. I hate it when guys become such pussies about something really stupid when they are with the one they love. I guess I would to, but I face all of these type of problems head on. I feel like you're just wasting the girl's time when you do that type of shit. You make her sit there while another can give her so much more with that amount of time. To know that I can give more to her when it comes to matters of the heart than you do, it's kind of pathetic. You've been with this girl for practically a year now. It's kind of pathetic how you're afraid to talk to her about this shit when you're both in love with each other. I'm not IN love with the girls I "talk" to but i'm not afraid to be straightforward with them if anything's the matter though. I don't understand why you're so melancholic about stuff when it really seems like you have a pretty good life right now. Like really, we're all stressed about school that isn't a big deal. Seriously, you haven't been through the shit that her and I have been through this year. I feel like I use that as an excuse but I am just pointing that out because it's fucking stupid. It really does hurt me inside when I know I am much more effective than you are when I am not even together with her, it really does. I feel like a basketball player being benched up and not being allowed to play for even a minute. I bet if I even get the opportunity to be with you, I might be able to change your view on the both of us. I may not be that fit guy, I may not be that cute guy to serenade you, hella I may not be that guy that he is but I just have that feeling. I feel like Mark Antony from Julius Caesar controlling Caesar.. You're just the guy there to hold her hand and to to do the latter, while I am the guy running the show. I feel like I am coaching the game here and you're just the player. I see it now.. you don't know what the fuck you're doing half the time. I am always there to help you out, to fix YOUR OWN GOD DAMN RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS. She's not even my girl but she's my best friend and I love her. If she was another girl, hell, I probably won't even be here. I'm always fixing your shit for you and I am starting to get pretty tired of it. I hardly get help for girls anymore, I really don't. I don't know how to take in advice but to experiment shit myself. I just wish I would get a chance for once.. I have people in my mind but it's not like I want to be with them just because I want to. I like each of them each for their own little imperfections. I don't know.. I haven't been sad lately and it's kind of weird because no matter how many times I try to think about things that usually make me sad, I don't. It feels great. I feel like everything is refreshed, I always have this fire in me even though the fire gets small sometimes. I am hardly falling asleep in class anymore and maybe that's because of this new found positivity. I just feel like, if I ever get that chance.. I bet i'll be one hell of a boyfriend to you, whoever you may be.