So much going through my head right now.

I shouldn't even have all of this stress.

I don't know where to start. It's not like I am going to say much anyways. I'm not used to talking about this stuff unless it's with the person themselves. Eh, I don't know.

Okay let's start with you, Keilah. I honestly don't know where you're going with your life right now. I don't know, you really stress me out. No matter what, you just do. You're such high maintenance for me and you're not even my girlfriend. You are such the responsibility. That's probably why I hang on to you so hard, so tight. I just know that if I ever leave your life for good and not come back like the last couple thousand times, you'd be such a mess right now. I don't see you as a sister. I will never see you like that, no matter how much closer we can get from what we have now. I just can't see you like that.

But things are different once again. I'm seriously just shaking my head at you sometimes. That's kind of sad, I know but it's the most I can do from seeing how you've been the past week. It's really sad. You're making a mess out of yourself and you're not making the most out of this precious time to have fun, make memories and to just relax. You're stressing out, you're not being happy, and I don't know what else you've been doing. Eh, I shouldn't put all of that on you though because it's not all your fault. Sometimes, you just need to just straighten things out and stop making the most simple things the most complicated things. You're making it hard on yourself every single time. You need to stop running away and crying. It's not going to do you any better. I know you better than that. Trust, I know you well enough. It's 3 in the morning right now and you probably just woke up and now you're crying. It's sad. I wish I could be there to hold you and tell you everything is going to be okay. I understand that your life isn't something anyone wants to be living right now.

Keilah, it's time you need to let the sun in on your summer. I'm here for you but the past few days, you knowing that, doesn't really make a difference. I can't help but feel the way I am feeling right now because of that. I'm not stupid and i'm a lot smarter than the excuses that I have let slid by me from you lately. I don't understand why you're hiding things from me. Maybe you're not and I think that. I'm not gonna make assumptions tonight. You need to be straightforward to me and stop being scared to say things. For some reason, I just feel a great feeling of disappointment towards you the past few days. I feel as if you're avoiding me. I know you know I hate the certain things you tell me but knowing you're avoiding me for the sole reason for not telling me those things aggravates me a lot more. It's fucking stupid. You need to quit that shit. To Friday, I don't know what you did. It's your life and i'm not going to father you on everything you do. I have no problem what so ever with you drinking. I'm just concerned on whom you do that shit with. Because of the people they've been around also. I don't want you getting hurt or have anything ridiculous happening to you. I care too much.. that's fucking sad. But that's the truth. I just know for a fact that you can't watch yourself after a good amount because I know for sure you're a hella light weight but knowing the girls around you are too, fucking stupid. I don't know, it really bothers me. I don't know that shit hella bothers me. I didn't like how you were 'drunk' tweeting and all of that shit either. What the fuck was that? It's not cool, it's pretty embarrassing. Hate on me all you guys want. I don't know what else to say to you nor what to do with you. I'm here though, always.

Then to the next one..

Hello Princess. I don't know what to say about you lol. I'm surprised I actually typed out your name. I haven't even submitted this blog post yet and I already feel exposed. I still don't know if this is a crush or a like. I want to take this slow with myself. I want to savor this feeling at least knowing i'm going to get heartbroken in the end anyway. How confident right? I don't know, there's just something about you.. I've been around you practically the entire week. Talk about a week right? Haha, my summer practically consists of being around you so far. Starting off when I visited you that Saturday night. I don't know, visiting you was like a step for me. I never did anything like that before. I never really walked a certain distance for a girl other than Keilah before. That was the most spontaneous night of my summer so far. You have a really nice family. Then we went to Disneyland. I don't know. My face felt numb after a while though. I caught myself smiling so much. I love being there and having this type of feeling towards you and being with you made it so much better. Then we finally watched Toy Story like we wanted. I had to pick you up. That was the first time I was alone with a girl outside of school for a good amount of time other than Keilah. I don't know, you're just making my world a lot more different now. I love it. You were so pretty that day. I don't know, you just seemed so dressed up. That time where you went to eat and it was just us, you said something to me. I don't remember the exact words but it was along the lines of, "I don't remember the last time I liked a guy my own age." It was funny because I've had that thought running through my head during that whole week. I felt like it was a message for me, but that's not even close to being a possibility. I may not have the experience and all of that shit but I know for sure I can love you. I think I went to far there. The best part really about that day was not watching the movie even though it was great but it was the amount of time we had together, just us two. It probably meant nothing to you because you do the same with several other guys. But just having that time with you makes me happy enough. I hate not having all of this experience and shit because I take these moments too far, and take in more than what is need to be taken in. Because to most guys, they just shrug this type of shit off. I make most of these type of scenarios special and i'm beginning to think that's stupid. That day was probably the most eye contact I have made with you. I don't know, that's the one physical thing I love about you. Your eyes. It's a bit cliche, I know, but your eyes are the most beautiful I have seen apart from all the girls I have fallen in like for. Your eyes always have that sparkle. You're the most beautiful when you smile but you're also the cutest when you make your several facial expressions. Your playful personality is already too much for me to take in. Ahh, I feel like a kid. It's a shame we didn't take a picture that day. We didn't see each other until Friday, even though that was only for a quick minute. We then spent the whole day around each other once again the following day. I'm around you so much, that if I don't see you for a day I kind of miss you. You're probably getting sick of me already. I'm surprised we actually went to that bench haha. I never knew where that bench was until we got there. I don't know, sitting there was so relaxing. When you sat next to me, just us two, I was going crazy inside. I don't know. That was probably my favorite part of the day. We had our time alone again that day. It's funny because we were moving.. you were driving! Shouldn't that be the other way around? Haha, I don't know. I just thought it was pretty cute. Then today. Nothing really kicked in to me until later in the day. When the guys went to the car to get something and I was about to go with them and you took me by the arm to keep me there. Then we just sat and chilled at the pool. Haha, you're so weird. It's ridiculous. It's hella cute though. I never knew a girl could look so beautiful being in the water without being in a two piece. HA, i'm fucking ridiculous. I noticed that the whole time this week i've been seeing you, I hardly hugged you. I finally got one today. Blah, I don't know.

I don't know if this is a new found 'best' friendship, or if this is really an upcoming 'thing'. I'm just going with the flow of things. I'm really comfortable around you, and I have a feeling you're the same around me. I really hope you give me a second chance in the long run. Certain people have told me, that things are a lot different now than they were back in middle school. Fuck, we're Juniors now! How things are so much more different.

It just hurts you like another guy. I'm pretty jealous of that guy right now. That's for another blog though. It really hurt seeing what I saw on your Facebook tonight.

The third topic. Nothing big.

But 95% of me has already forgotten and forgave. The other 5% is just plain waiting for your respect.

I'm getting tired, I have been typing since forever. I feel like I got a good amount of load off my chest. I feel so exposed using names but whatever. I don't really care. Not like anything is going to be awkward between any of you two anyways.

No one's going to find this blog anyways aha.

Goodmorning, it's 4:11 during a Monday morning.