Damn.

I just feel so defeated, once again. I feel so useless. It's really pathetic I am saying this but that's the fact of it. You are fucking stupid, pardon my common French. I can't say anything though, that's you.

I hate this so much. I always feel so useless when it comes to females. I am always the one left out. The things all of you say, I wish I could say. The times where I could say them, they aren't the right times nor I have the courage to say those certain things.

I bet one my biggest flaws as a person when it comes to girls is the fact that I am a boring person. I don't even have any special talents. I am not the spontaneous one. Plus, it's probably because I don't drive either. Most girls always fall for the guys that are mobile, because they get bored so easily and can't stay put at one place while spending time with the guy.. you know? I don' know it's probably just me.

One of the worst feelings you could get next to losing a girl towards an asshole is to a nice guy. I have a feeling i'm losing to both. But what's the point of fighting for you right? Totally out of my league and you'd probably get bored of me real fast anyways. I don't know, it's one of those "Keilah" feelings that took over. Not that I felt that way towards you because you were supposed to be a rebound, no. Never. It's just those second time around type of things. I doesn't know. The first time I fell in like with you, was mainly because of who you were on the outside. I have to say, I was pretty shallow back then. I hardly knew you back then. But then, 2 years later, things are a lot different. A lot different, and they have caused me to fall. Because of who you are as a person. I know so much about you, it's like you're telling me not to fall for you. I guess the smart thing is just not trying, because the things you tell me about yourself really send out the message to. Maybe it's also giving me that message to prove you wrong you know? I thought about that once, and it's just not worth it. I have tried to prove several girls wrong but they just can't see past what is in front of them and that's a shame. Fuck, this is horrible. I guess this is a battle that wasn't fought that's been lost.

Everything always seems to go wrong with me. I am really getting tired of this. I wish I had a girl to turn to. I wish I had a girl who'm I could call. A girl that isn't taken you know? I ask for too much.

Fuck my life.

But that's only half of my problems...