Fucked up on the inside, bleeding on the outside.

Really dad, what the fuck are you doing? WHAT, THE, FUCK, ARE, YOU, FUCKING, DOING?! I can't even believe this fucking shit right now, it's overly ridiculous. What the fuck are you doing talking to some other fucking woman on YM? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? I swear, if I ever find that bitch, i'm going to fucking slap the living fuck out of her until she can't even cry, she'll just fucking bleed. For you, dad, you're fucking lucky right now I didn't fucking deck you in the face. You're lucky I still had a grasp of reality at the time. If I did, there would be so much in that. Not just this fucking shit that I have to deal with now, been dealing since you fucking went on your fucking vacation. That's every single fucking thing that's fucking poisoning me on the inside. Every fucking thing that's fucking tearing me apart everyday. I probably would have made you bleed. You two are fucking pathetic, you know that? Because of you two, you just fucking add on to the fucking stress that's been in my life lately. So don't fucking complain to me, when I don't have my fucking grades up to fucking par right now. I'm still smart, I can fucking prove it to all of you, I fucking swear on that. I'm just fucking lazy and I don't want to put in any of the effort. You guys are fucking pathetic as fuck right now. I have to deal with enough fucking drama and shit in my life, over the past 9 months and I don't fucking need this shit right now. What the fuck did I ever do, to fucking deserve such a shitty time in my fucking life right now? I can't even explain my frustration entirely, I am just shaking right now, literally. I don't know what to fucking do. Sitting outside, walking around the street in socks and pacing around when it's cold as fuck doesn't really help. You guys fucking drive me fucking insane, it's fucking nuts. I can't even relax in my own household. The fuck is that shit? This is so fucking ridiculous. It fits perfectly fine with everything else that's fucking ridiculous in my life.

The reason I couldn't tell you anything is because i'm just afraid that I would explode on you. I don't want to do that to you. Everything has been catching up to me this whole week when it was gone for the past month. It doesn't make sense to me right now. A good half of my frustration is the jealousy that I get from you. I don't fucking understand why. My mind and heart just keeps denying you out of my life and I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry I keep pushing you out, I can't help it.

I don't know what else to say right now. Everyone is in my house and I don't want anyone of them fucking near my room or myself.

Fighting hard to keep the tears in. There won't be a point in crying, the fuck will that shit do?

I have a lot more to say, but my mind is racing in circles right now. Maybe I can get more later when I can stop shaking and my entire body can calm the fuck down.

I need someone to talk to.