Over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Here I am, thinking and losing myself to these stupids thoughts.

Man, I hate my life.

I can never get a day anymore, where everything is peaceful and relaxing.

I can't have a day when my fucking mom gets all koo-koo in the head when i'm all nice and quiet in the living room watching television while being on the laptop, with her slamming doors and shit telling me to go to my room when i've been in my fucking room for the entire fucking week.

I just don't get it. It's not fair. I know I sounded like a kid saying " It's not fair. " But it's true. I haven't done anything wrong. I'M SITTING THERE RELAXING SOMEWHERE ELSE INSIDE THE HOUSE OTHER THAN MY ROOM FOR ONCE, AND YOU GO CRAZY YELLING AT ME AND SHIT. FUCK.

I'm getting tired of things being one-sided all the fucking time. What's the point anymore?

I always have these feelings that go absolutely no where being spit at, back at me all the fucking time in the fucking end.

It doesn't make sense.

Okay, now i've just re-read what I typed and I already sound retarded, but that's okay.

I'm sick and tired for waiting to have that one day where everything goes oposite of what is now, but in a good way.

I can't take the feeling of lonelyness anymore.

No one's really been talking to me lately, other than Tia and Mikey. But that doesn't really help does it? I don't even see any of them.

My phones been awfully quiet again. Ever since I got that text that night from you, i've been ever so hungry for my phone to ring.

But not anymore. Maybe it was just that time. Maybe the only reason you bothered talking to me was because you were bored. Because isn't that how most people usually talk to me? When their bored. Then the next time I say " hi " the conversationg dies on the 4th response? I don't know. Maybe I thought about that one too much.

I feel so alone. But I guess I've found something to keep my mind off of it. That's why i've been playing 2k9 so endlessly. But even that's not keeping from typing this right now.

I feel like Tia right now. I guess i'm surrounded by many but I still feel alone?

But I can't even think about THAT many people surrounding me.

Maybe I just need that one person, but then again I just make myself sound desperate bringing this up.

People I mention this to say to me that I should not revolve my world around a significant other, but maybe because they've experienced that type of attention before.

I never had anything like that come close to my life before. I wouldn't know what it's like.

It's hard to go out now because the people I usually hang around with always has their special someone with them, so I just stand aside and feel like shit like always.

I feel like some people are keeping their distance from me.

No one really tries to stick around and understand other than Tia. That doesn't really help much. Thanks Tia though.

I just wish it can be like before, where everytime before I sleep I would be texting you all night 'till we fall asleep. The time where my phone would always vibrate every minute with messages that brought smiles to my face.

I just want that again, with someone.

Now everything is quiet.

It's so quiet.

I think i'm thinking too fucking much again. But I can't hide from this and keep finding new things to side-track from it.

I need to start getting out soon. Because I feel like i'm just isolating myself too much being in a room by myself for an entire week for several hours not seeing anyone.

I think i've gone crazy, you tell me. Oh but hey no one really tries to talk now. But hey, I don't even know who reads this.

ps.

Re-reading this the third time just made me think about it seriously, maybe I don't need that type of thing I don't know. I say I need it now, but in the end I don't.

Shit I need something to go down soon. -_-'