Last Chance?

Tomorow is Monday. Tomorow is also the day for Summer League Basketball tryouts. I have tried out before, but that was way back in September-October, and I played like shit. I was scared to touch the ball the entire time I was there. I don't know why.

It's been nine months since then, and I have noticed I have been playing more basketball a long the times. I feel as if I did get somewhat better. I can feel some sort of excitement, some sort of confidence rising up within me to even try... One more time....

I barely started playing Basketball since sixth grade, so some poeple would say I just started playing. The more I think about it, I think the same thing... Of the two years I've been at Brookhurst Jr. High, I have attended tryouts for basketball. First year didn't go so well... Second year, I felt like I had a chance. But it still didn't go so well. I also had to take care of some extra-curicular activities during that time, but now that I think about it, I think I would've made the team... But that's just me daydreaming off again...

Right now, as I think about my past years of playing this fucking sport. I always seem to get some sort of adrenaline rush. It's the type of rush that just keeps me pushing. No matter how hard. No homo, but I get broken hearted everytime I think about getting cut and a fragment of my confidence gets grated off once again.

Being cut sucks. I always feel like I have wasted my time, embarrassed my self in some sort of way, and end up looking down on myself. I still remember that everytime I got cut, I would stop playing basketball for about a month. I don't know... Being cut makes me suddenly hate the sport so much it's disgusting to even feel happy about it anymore.

That was my past, and now to talk about tomorow...

I think of tomorow as a day to redeem myself. To stop looking like a complete pussy on the court feeling like I am going to get tackled everytime. To stop getting brain dead and freezing up. To start waking up, and doing what I usually do in P.E. (I play better in P.E. it's like I feel almost to no pressure.)

The more I think about tomorow the more my confidence lowers but also the more my fires grows.

I have been having a rough week, nothing positive has been happening.

I have been feeling left out, unwanted, and alone for the past week.

But tomorow, all of that sorrow. All of the pain and sadness. All of that anger and stress. Tomorow I would put all of that into my energy of playing.





And maybe, just maybe, some magical thing in the world of basketball happens and I am able to produce and maybe stand out for once.

All I need is a little bit of support, some luck, and some confidence to keep my head up.