idk

The past month as I have been stating OVER AND OVER AGAIN in my last 40+ blogs or so... I have been not myself.

The past month, I have been "antisocial" like to a majority of my friends.

The past month, I have lost myself several times.

The past month, I have lost a few friendships and trust.

I don't know, the past month I have been asking myself who I was and what was my purpose of being. Why do I still hope, when it's just a hopeless situation all in all.

Well I guess I pulled through this hard month. It wasn't a great start of my New Year and surely it'll be a memorable one.




Today I was still not myself. The entire day at school I was quiet, straight, unenthusiastic. Only a few times I would show a smile or a laugh. My eyes felt heavy. But I wasn't tired. After school I did my usual thing.

No one expected me today. Exept for a few people.

I have to say it was kind of refreshing and nice seeing everyone again. I really did miss them.

I was actually happy again, having people to talk to and not be in a corner waiting for some attention that i'll never recieve.

It was quiet today yes. But yet it was pieceful.

No drama, just catching up.

Not a lot though.

I walked in the gym after Keilah and Michelle left.

When I got there I saw Jonalyn and Josephine.

I was waving at them from way accross the gym, at first they barely recognized me. But then they eventually woke up and did notice I was there.

They both ran up to me and gave me tight, warm, welcoming hugs. It was nice to be missed. It reminded me that people actually enjoy being with me.

I was with them for almost the remainder of the time I was there. Same with Leoroye and Jeb.

The rest of the day was kind of the same, just with different people.



Daylight was quiet, and random.

But entirely peacful for some reason.



Jeb and I chilled at my house for the rest of the day. We just played 2k9 and watched part of the Laker game.




Now I am here, on the futon with the laptop on the ground. Typing this blog and thinking back through the month. My hardships.

I don't think i'll be the same again.

But forsure I can be happy again.








I just need to try harder....